Lessons

Part Three: If you haven’t read the first two parts of this story, it is on my blog at 

http://nancy7484.blogspot.com/

During my second Camino. I started noticing the hospitaleros and how they welcomed the pilgrims. When people say they love this or that albergue, I used to wonder wonder why. From my observations I came to believe that a large part of my feeling about an albergue results from the welcoming of the hospitaleros. Some of the most physically challenging (big, crowded, mats on the floor, old showers, etc) were some of my favorites because the hospitaleros greeted me as though they were glad to see me and had just been waiting for me to arrive. I felt welcome. They were kind and caring. Even Boadilla del Camino with it’s grass and swimming pool was special because of the spirit of the hospitaleros that worked there. I wanted to be that kind of hospitalera. On the other hand some hospitaleros were like clerks at the DMV, just doing the job. they weren’t mean or nasty, just not all that interested. 

I stopped in Burgos for a rest day in a room with a view of the Cathedral. I am so glad I did. I love Burgos! It has art everywhere and the cathedral just blew me away. They also had a yummy breakfast at the hotel. I did get lonely in the hotel room. I love the albergues. By comparison a hotel room is a little dull. While in Burgos I got to meet Kathryn, the wife of Michael a man I met on the Camino. they actually live twenty minutes from my home and Michael works in the same industry I worked in for twenty five years and knows some of the same people. Kathryn had flown in to meet him. We had dinner together and shared some stories and laughs. Because Michael was having problems with his legs swelling, they continued the Camino on bicycles. I saw them again between Bercianos and El Burgo Ranero along the Senda. We took pictures of one another and said our good byes again.

I continued to Leon, where I took another rest day before heading back to Bercianos to serve as a hospitalera. I stayed at the Parador as a treat to myself. It was large and old, the rooms were ordinary, but they had the most incredible breakfast buffet I have ever experienced any where in the world. Yummy! The walk along the river adjacent the hotel was lovely. After two nights at the hotel I headed to Bercianos to begin my time as a hospital era. I was so excited to be able to do this.

I got to Bercianos a day early because in training they suggested we have a full twenty four hour experience with the hospitaleros that were leaving before we began our turn. It was very instructive and the hospitaleros were very helpful to me. The hospitaleros that were going to serve with me didn’t show up until the late afternoon before our time was to begin. For awhile I thought I was going to end up there by myself. Yikes! My fellow hositaleros were two Spanish women who spoke absolutely no English. My Spanish is very basic, but I can usually make myself understood if someone has the patience to listen carefully. These ladies did not. And since they had each other to talk to, Iwas the odd man out, or at least that is how it felt. they discussed things between themselves, made decisions, and took charge.

My bubble was burst, my balloon lost all it’s air and I freaked, quietly of course. I was assigned some cleaning to do the next day, and they went upstairs and changed the sheets and cleaned. I was alone downstairs. Poor little me. I was very upset. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to run, but I didn’t want to run. It seemed like they were bossing me around. It was a very rocky start. The pilgrims that came that day mostly spoke English and no Spanish, so they assigned me to work at the front desk. I think that was a saving grace. The pilgrims were great and we laughed and had a good time. They counted the money in the donation box and cooked dinner. At some point I think they realized that having a person who spoke English and some Spanish was useful because a lot of pilgrims could communicate in at least one of those languages.

I almost cried myself to sleep that first night. The experience I was so excited about was turning into a disaster. And then as I was going to sleep one of the hospitaleras said, “Buenos noches” Somehow that little gesture made a big difference. By the next day things were a little better. I think on that first day we were all coming into a new experience and wanted to do a good job. Slowly we started to communicate. They learned to listen a little bit longer to pick up my admittedly poor Spanish. I tried to just do what they wanted me to do and not try to make decisions. After a day or two, they started asking my opinion on things and including me in the decision making. We started sharing stories, jokes and laughter. I saw that they really wanted to make the pilgrims feel at home. One of them got a drip coffee things she could make real coffee for the pilgrims for breakfast and not just set out the instant. the other one decided to toast the bread instead of just slicing it and serving it cold. 

We bonded around helping the pilgrims and being pilgrims ourselves. By the end of our term in Bercianos we were friends and are still in contact. they both welcomed me to stay with them when I come to Spain. One of them gave me a ride to Leon where I continued my pilgrimage. I am so glad I didn’t run from the difficulties.

The Camino, like life seems to provide what I need, including lessons I need to learn. If I relax and stay on the Camino, I will get to learn the lessons. This is a gift.

Getting Lost and Letting Go

I come from a tradition of giving back what has so freely been given to me. I was so grateful for the kindnesses that had been given to me on my first Camino, that I wanted to repay these kind acts in some small way. I learned there would be a training course to be a hospital era at the annual Gathering of the American Pilgrims on the Camino in Santa Barbara, a short drive up the California coast from my home. A hospitalero is the person who works in the albergue tending to the needs of the pilgrims arriving each day. The actual activities vary from albergue to albergue but may include checking pilgrims into the alberburgue, listening, answering questions; giving directions to the first aid supplies, bars, medical care or other places; cooking, grocery shopping, cleaning, or just being a cheerful presence. 

So I signed up to go for the training since it was close to home and in a beautiful location. And because I was going for the training, I thought I might as well stay for the whole week end. I am so grateful I was led to do this. I learned a lot and met some amazing people. The whole Gathering was filled with information and I had one awareness after another. I learned I wasn’t the only one who carried bears in my back pack. I learned I wasn’t the only one who felt bereft when I reached Santiago. I became aware of the life change that had been occurring as a result of the Camino. And I think in some weird way I became comfortable with the journey that continues to this day.

After the Gathering, I got word that someone dropped out of the the Amigos program for the last two weeks of July, meaning the time of the Feast of Santiago. I was asked if I wanted to do it. I had not planned on walking the Camino last year, but this was an opportunity too good to pass up. I asked my husband if he minded going again that year and he said, “Why would I mind?” Did I mention that I have the best husband in the world? I accepted this assignment and also applied to be a hospitalera. I was accepted as a hospitalera at El Burgo Ranero. It turned out that when I was in Spain I got an email asking me if I could switch to Bercianos for the same time period. I agreed and I believe it was an example of the Camino providing what I needed.

So I book my flights to allow enough time for all of this adventure. After my experience the year before I believe that, for me, nothing changes, if nothing changes. If I go on an adventure making sure I have all the comfort and security I would have at home, it is unlikely that there will be any dramatic experience or change. I had almost shut myself off from the possibility the previous year with all my planning and caution. Fortunately for me, the Camino disrupted all my careful planning that first year. I got hurt, I got lost, I survived, and I grew. I believe now that the Camino is supposed to be hard. It is supposed to challenge me. No matter how carefully I planned or what I brought with me, the Camino provided the unexpected, unplanned events that I had not prepared for. I wouldn’t change a moment of the adventure. My friends who followed me on my blog the first year, wrote and said I sounded so relaxed the second year.

So I approached the next Camino with a lot less worry and planning. I believed that the Camino itself would decide what adventures I would have, what lessons I would learn, and how it would change me; if I just let go and let it work. I did and it did. 

I worked in the Pilgrim’s Office for two weeks. I was so excited because I was going to be there during the Feast of St James, which is a week long celebration with all kinds of ceremonies, events and activities. Then on the eve of the Feast Day, the train wreck happened on the train from Madrid to Santiago. Many people died and others were severely injured. all activities were cancelled. The city was in shock. It wasn’t the experience I expected, it was difficult. But it was an opportunity to be of service in a different way. 

Overall my experience in the pilgrim’s office was amazing. I had the opportunity to get to know the people who worked there, exchanging life stories and jokes. I got to greet pilgrims arriving full of joy and the feeling of “having made it.” Some laughed and slapped hands, some cried, some just needed a hug and someone to share the moment. Some were old and some were very young, and all the ages in between. People from all over the world arriving at this one spot because the Camino had called them. I got my Camino tattoo in Santiago. I would walk dwn the streets of Santiago and pilgrims I had greeted would call out to me, want to take their picture with me or of my tattoo, ask me to joint them, hugged me. It was phenomenal! 

After Santiago, I made my way to SJPP to begin walking. Despite the fact that I had never gone without a bed the last time, I started to get caught up in the panic of the other pilgrims; panic about beds, worrying during the day if I would get to the next village in time to get a bed, what would I do if I didn’t. At some point early on, I realized, that I was ruining my own peace of mind by focusing on the bed situation all day. It kept me from taking the time to take pictures and enjoy the journey. A phrase came to mind, “I will get to where I am supposed tone, when I am supposed to be there.”

After that, it was just a grand adventure. I got lost and ended up hitchhiking back to the Camino. I got last and ended up in the back seat of a police car, because I was walking on a freeway, and was taken back to the Camino. I get lost a lot. I think I may be the queen of lost. I could get lost in my small two foot by four foot closet. I have been lost in a number of cities in several countries, including twice in cities in mainland China, where even if there were street signs, I couldn’t have read them. I am easily distracted  by beauty, sidetracked by quirky things, and often lose track of time and place, Getting allowing myself to get lost is a way of letting go, letting things unfold, being adventurous. I’ve discovered over the years that getting lost is not so scary, if I don’t panic and just enjoy the adventure.

In my relaxed state on my second Camino, I met people, lots of people. I made good friends from all over the world that I am still in touch with today. I ate, I walked, I slept, I laughed, I cried, I stopped and cheered for the caterpillar to get across the trail before it got stepped on. I took pictures. The most phenomenal picture I have ever taken occurred because I woke up early to the sounds of other pilgrims packing up and I couldn’t go back to sleep. I got up got ready and headed out the door after coffee and biscuits. It was the night of the blue moon. The moon was setting and the sun was coming up. It was extraordinary in every sense of the word.

Reflections and Preparation

I am traveling with my husband and we visit Santiago de Compostela in northern Spain. I see people with backpacks and sticks. I am curious and ask questions. I learn about The Camino. I think it sounds interesting and that I would like to do it “someday.” Five years later I receive a telephone call from a friend and she tells me, “There is a movie out about that thing you are always talking about, the Camino. The movie is called The Way starring Martin Sheen. We are going to see it today. Do you want to come along?” It sounds like a fun way to spend the afternoon. Sitting in the theater, I think to myself, “it is time to stop saying, ‘I am going to do that some day, and just do it.” I already have a three month trip to Spain planned for January to study Spanish in Salamanca. But I go ahead and book another trip for April to walk the Camino.

I have been on a spiritual quest since 1984 and I am excited to have the opportunity to do what I believe is a spiritual pilgrimage. I am hoping it will be a life and spirit changing event. And then, because I am me, I start researching and planning. I talk to friends about boots. They also suggest walking poles. I go to REI and check out packs. I read everything I can. I spend a lot of time on the Camino Forum looking for information. I don’t know if the APOC Facebook page was up in late 2011 to early 2012. If it was I wasn’t aware of it. I search the internet. I read books. I buy a guide.

I want the Camino to be an adventure, but I don’t want to get lost. I want the Camino to be a life changing event, but I want to know all about it before I do it. I want the Camino to be a spiritual experience, but I want to stay in my comfort zone. So I study and plan, because I don’t want it to be hard. I don’t want it to hurt. I don’t want blisters, tendonitis, sprains, cuts or bruises. I want to get plenty of sleep. I don’t want to get lost or have any scary moments. Lord knows I don’t want bed bugs. I want it to be easy. I don’t consciously think that I want these things, but I do. I don’t want it to be hard. I don’t want to be hurt, or even uncomfortable.

I buy everything I can find to assure that I will be as comfortable as I would be at home. I buy enough first aid supplies to stock a small hospital, so that i will be prepared to not have an emergency. I get a warm sleeping bag, so I won’t ever be cold. I get clothes for every possible need. I start to gather my things together and realize I will need small truck to carry it all. Maybe I should rent an RV.

I ask a billion questions of anybody I can find that knows anything about the Camino, backpacking, or even hiking. I have walked in five 60 mile, 3 Day walks for breast cancer. I have run/walked in three marathons. I walk a lot. I do yoga. And though I have had surgery on my back, one knee and both hips; I am in pretty good shape for a 65 year old woman. But I train like crazy. I want the Camino to be easy, or at least not too difficult. And, I want to go all the way to Santiago to Saint Jean Pied de Port. No wimping out for me. there is a goal, a proper way to do this, and by God I’m going to do it.

About a month before I am supposed to leave for Spain, I do a face plant on a slippery downhill. I’m fine the next day and go hiking again. the following day I cannot move. My hamstrings are like blocks of ice, my back and neck are in pain and my hips and my knee hurt.  Because of a prior perforated ulcer, I cannot take anti inflammatories, like advil, aspirin, etc. I go to the chiropractor, the back doctor, the hip and knee doctor, my massage therapist and my primary care doctor. They cannot “fix” me. I get furious with them. I try to explain that I am going to Spain to have a spiritual experience and I need to be “fixed” immediately. They look at me like maybe a nice quiet stay in a psych ward would be a better idea. In the midst of this I have my first spiritual experience. Mind you, I am not on the Camino yet, haven’t officially started the Camino, because we all know that happens in SJPP. But as I am driving away from the massage therapists office and listening to a Leonard Cohen CD that I have heard a hundred times, he suddenly starts introducing what he calls a song or a prayer,  that starts like this, “

“If it be your will 

That I speak no more 

And my voice be still 

As it was before 

I will speak no more 

I shall abide until 

I am spoken for 

If it be your will”

I was thunder struck. All I had to do was think the word “walk” instead of “speak” and I had my answer. I decided I could not control the adventure, spiritual experience or life changing event. It wasn’t up to me how it happened. I made a decision to go to SJPP, put on my boots and pack and step out the door. If I took only one step, or went 500 miles, was not up to me. I just needed the willingness to begin and the lessons would be provided.

So I went to SJPP and stepped out. By Logroño I could walk no  further. I had blisters and my knee hurt so bad I was using my walking sticks like crutches and crying while I walked. I saw a doctor in Logroño who told me there wasn’t anything physically wrong with my knee, but that it was inflamed  and I needed to rest for four or five days. So I met a young man who told me about abroad new hostile that had just opened where I could stay for a few days. Fortunately it had a big screen TV and the summer olympics were on that week, because I couldn’t go anywhere. I just sat and iced my knee for five days. I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to continue. But after five days, I decided to try.

I got to Santa Domingo and my knee was ok, but not great. In the municipal albergue the hospitalera told me there would be someone there at 4 pm to look at blisters and ankles and knees. And indeed there was someone. He wrapped my knee and said I would be fine. He said to leave the wrapping on for three days. My blisters healed, my knee got better and I made it to Santiago. And I was not thrilled. I thought, “where is my spiritual experience, my life changing event.” I guess I expected a burning bush or at least a sudden illumination. That’s not how it happened for me. I got my Compestela, went to the pilgrim’s mass, saw the botafumeiro swing and I felt empty, somehow cheated. So, I decided to go home a few days early. Friends asked if I would do the Camino again. I said I didn’t think so. I felt  disappointed, cheated almost.

Once I was home I started walking on the beach and taking pictures. I had been a ceramic artist when I went to Spain, but I just didn’t want to go to the studio and work. I wanted to walk on the beach and take pictures. At first this unsettled me. I talked about it with friends. I was mystified, but decided to go with the flow. It wasn’t until some time later at the Gathering of APOC in Santa Barbara, that I realized I had had a life changing event, not just about the ceramics, but about so many things. And that I was not the only pilgrim to come home with this sense of incompleteness. One of the speakers said, “You walk the Camino, and then the Camino walks you.” That rang true for me.

I realized eventually that the Camino had been hard in ways I didn’t expect and the lessons occurred in ways couldn’t have planned. I didn’t get bedbugs, I got lots of sleep, I never didn’t have a bed to sleep in or food to eat; but I had been challenged and it had changed me in many ways. I decided to do it again.

To be continued . . .