Monday, May 19, 2014

May 19 Monday Excitement


May 19 Monday
Excitement

I'm eating breakfast and watching the workers take down the temporary structures in the Plaza. Hopefully by this afternoon it will be clear and tonight I will be able to see it in all its splendor. Today I am going to walk by the river where I spent so many hours in the winter of 2012. It was the coldest winter in Europe in a very long time, but I just bundled up and walked. 

I love walking by the river, on the beach, on country trails, on the Camino, and even on city sidewalks. To me there is a form of meditation in the smooth, continual rhythm of each foot hitting the ground, the breath calming in sync with the foot steps, and the mind letting go quieted by the rhythm of the feet and the breath. For me it is a transforming experience. I don't know if this happens to other people. I know my mind disengages, because sometimes it  recognize when it engages. Often I when this happens, I "come to" looking at a beautiful composition for a photograph. I don't know how this happens. People will look at my photos sometimes and comment that I have a "good eye" and the photo is usually one that has been taken when I've "come to" and noticed it. 

This is one of the reasons I call myself a haphazard artist. I don't usually sit down with a plan to sculpt something, make a particular photograph or paint a certain scene or object. I sometimes wish I could do this. But, when I try, I freeze and my mind goes blank. Same happens with writing. I just sit down and spill out my thoughts. Some people enjoy reading them. People have suggested I write a book. My life appears interesting to others, partly due to the time I grew up. Folk music, Elvis, the Beatles, living in the Haight Ashbury, hitchhiking up and down the California coast, etc. I could go on, but then I'd be writing a book and my mind would go blank. 

This inability to plan a work of art drove my graduate committee nuts. They kept asking what I was going to do. I would say I didn't know, but I thought I would start by throwing a thousand bowls. They would look at me quizzically. At some point they asked to see my sketches of what I was going to do and I would look at them quizzically. The bowls evolved into an installation piece. But I'm not really sure how exactly that happened. I can work at improving my skills, but I can't plan the art. It comes in a zen way and walking is a part of that. 

 But I digress. Good heavens how do I get off on these tangents? Anyway, around noon I went to spend some time with the river, just strolling, believe it or not. I walked and walked and took pictures just as I did before. I had some pretty amazing reflections. There was a sad or maybe lonely over tone to my walk on the river. I don't believe I had remembered that a big part of my time here was about aloneness. For a number of reasons, I didn't really fit in with the other students. They were friendly and kind, but I was like their mother or grandmother, yikes. At home I socialize with all ages, but then it wasn't happening. And I didn't speak Spanish well enough to have discussions with the people I lived with, though they were very kind and caring. It wasn't a bad time or feeling. I'm just a people person and I was more or less without people. In some ways it was very good. I got time for introspection and learning. Anyway, today's walk made more aware of the changes in me at the time. 

I'm happy to report that my knee did very well today. It's so weird to walk without pain or limping. Tomorrow the plan is to get up and go wall to the next town. Wish me luck!

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